Traveling in The World of My Creation

There are so many places I want to go/see.  I’m going to have to start a list.  But more importantly, I’m going to have to start saving. 

I’m really excited for being able to study abroad in college though because it’s basically the same price as doing a semester at the college, only you get to be in an awesome country and experience all of that

so pumped

i wanna be like eat pray love and go away for a year.  but i can’t do that with kids.  i mean imagine if you were a kid and your parent was like “lol taking you out of school for a year so i can live my dream.” like i’d be pissed.  having to leave your friends.  you’d miss so much of people’s lives.

so definitely before i have kids.  and maybe a husband.  because i kind of would rather do it alone ya know?  so i can really be me and grow even more…

idk

but then its like i need to do this after college/med school so ill be like 28 and before i get married

but then its like to do that id have to get married way later and i dont wanna do that

but then lol ill probably end up alone and never get married anyway………….

For some reason when I think about being independent and making my own rules makes me so so so excited.  It’s not like I’m going to go crazy once I become an adult or anything.  I’m not going to stay out every night til 4 am or get drunk every night or skip class ever day.  But knowing that I could do that if I wanted to makes me happy haha.  Like I have no one telling me “no you can’t do that.”  

I’m just so excited to be indepednent and go where and I want and not have to ask my mom for permision.  I probably shouldn’t be this excited about it. 

But I’m the type of person that got a thrill out of walking around the mall by myself without a parent when I was 12.  

So obviously this whole “living on your own thing” is going to be pretty exciting for me.

GAAAAH I only have a year and half until that summer before college starts.  I cannot wait!!!!!  

     I guess its because I feel confident therefore I get happy.  But like actually when I’m shopping or just trying on some of my new clothes I’m euphoric. 

     But then if I’m feeling gross or in an outfit where I’m not entirely comfortable, I get so depressed.  I know everyone says its what’s inside that that counts, but sometimes I feel like the only way to get your personality to really be great and where you want it to be, you have to adjust your appearance first.  I feel way more confident and happy when I’m dressed properly or I just blew out my hair.  I feel sluggish when I’m in sweats and a t-shirt.  I don’t know, maybe that’s just me…. 

   So if you’e ever feeling down or upset, find a really really fashionable outfit, try it on, and voila; you will immediately feel better! 

     I want to make a difference when I grow up.  There are so many adults that I see every single day and I just think about how they have done absolutely nothing with their lives.  Sure, they have high-paying jobs.  They’ve been promoted dozens of times.  They live in a nice house.  That’s not what I want though.

     If you had to ask every person they have had an encounter with, “Did this person impact your life?  Are they a hero?,”  the people would probably say no.  I don’t want that at all.  I want people to say that I impacted them.  That I helped them realize their dreams, that I helped them realize their life had meaning.  Or even more directly, that I helped administer care to people in severe cases of poverty, that I donated millions of dollars for the direct relief of victims affected by a natural disaster.  

     When I die, I want to be known.  I want to be known for doing something great.  I don’t just want to live everyday under the radar like highschool.  I mean, everyone knows me in highschool, but I haven’t done anything great.  I’m not in student government, I haven’t gone to El Salvador for service, I haven’t organized a clothing drive… I’ve done nothing to help anyone.  

     I am smart and I am motivated and I know that I could really do some great things.  Especially because I want to go into the medical field.  Imagine all that I could do with that!  I could help so many different people.  

     Sometimes though I don’t know if I want to be known for doing great things or just because of the attention.  I know that sounds horrible, but I’m trying to be completely honest here.  Like I guess being under the radar in a lot of aspects of my life, I want people to know who I am and stuff.  So the attention would be cool.  But then also it feels so good helping people. So its not entirely selfish I guess.

     I don’t know.  I just know in college, I want to do stuff to get me out of my comfort zone.  I want to try new things and just live.  I’m so excited to be an adult and have freedom and be independent.  It all seems so cool right now.

unless

i really want somewhere where i can post text posts without annoying people.  seeing as i don’t have many followers on this account, i feel like this is the place to do it!

i’m hoping that this won’t be venting or gossip or mean posts.  i hope that i can just express my ideas and opinions or my thoughts without being judged

LET THE THOUGHTS BEGIN WOOT